Comical Stalemate

While his choice to wait along the wharf seemed conspicuous, at least his drab garb would make him seem a little more part of the scenery. He had to act with the utmost discretion. Seated primly on a crate, he leaned against his gnarled walking stick and stared out to the harbor. The sea breeze blew away much of the smoke from his long hickory pipe.

“Death doesn’t ride his coach through here, old man,” called the boisterous voice of a handsome sailor, tall and formidable when approached. He taunted further by looming over him and making his great stature quite obvious. “Seek him in a public house, or better yet a brothel.”

With a push off his cane, the old man stood up. Despite the sailor, the two could stand eye-to-eye. He held the other’s gaze with steel eyes smiling wryly. “I would rather wait here. But thank you.”

The sailor simpered with amusement, just a touch surprised at their near-equal heights. Both were used to meeting those dwarfish in comparison. “Perhaps I should wait with you. A man past his prime like your self needs protection.” His sardonic tone betrayed him.

“Then who will protect me from you?” When he spoke, a great plume of smoke spilled from his lips like exhaust from a fired canon. “I prefer the risk of no protector.”

“Perhaps. But I imagine someone so queer as you might want another pair of eyes.” He glanced over the old man’s blue scales. “Awfully strange skin color.”

In turn, he noted the other’s sea green pigment. “I should say as much for you.”

“Well, someone so easily sighted in a crowd with your form might garner himself a great deal of contempt only because he frightens others.” He slinked to the other side of the old man. “You can never be too careful, after all.”

A smirking sneer came to his lips. “Do you always talk about yourself with strangers?”

“Every opportunity possible.” His smile could make one’s skin crawl.

Another plume of smoke poured from his nostrils like a dragon snorting. “Lad, while all of this chatter almost entertains me, it may distract me from sighting a good friend. Run along to your ship and pester your captain.”

The sailor’s smirk grew icy. “You’re awfully brazen.”

“What?” Keeping his taunting expression, he narrowed his eyes. “Would you honestly let the words of an old and foolish buffoon incite your anger?”

He stared in exquisite disdain, carefully choosing his words. Leaning close, he growled softly, “Tell me something about your friend.”

“We are close to each other’s heart, better than blood relatives.” As he spoke, he spotted a ship that he recognized out of the corner of his eye. Luckily, his blue scales showed no sign of the blush that would have visibly heated his face. “But I have said too much already.”

The sailor also knew the ship, though he had spotted earlier and had time to hide his recognition. “Have you? Your words seem rather bland. If you keep up this kind of drab conversation, I might have to leave.”

He chuckled mirthlessly. “If only it were that simple.”

Becoming more interested in the ship, they assumed that the other was deliberately ignoring him. They chose to not favor each other with even the slightest glance. The gangway of the ship made a wet thud to announce that the vessel that properly docked. Calling and various shouts followed, accompanied by the usual thunder of men’s boots on the wood. Both scanned the throng of people who came on dock, blissfully unaware of the other’s thoughts.

The captain, petite and wearing a brown waistcoat instead of the usual blue captain’s jacket, emerged from the small crowd. Swaggering footfalls of the boots approached the pair, the owner wearing the affectionate expression of someone seeing an old friend.

The pair smiled with matching affection. “Trenta,” called the old man, and his stomach suddenly reeled in revulsion as he realized that he and the sailor had spoken in unison. He met the other’s equally incredulous gaze before turning back to his friend and silently asking for an explanation.

Trenta flushed, not quite meeting either man’s eyes. “Funny thing seeing the two of you together.”

“Who is this old craven snake,” hissed the sailor, eyeing the old man unkindly.

“And who is this brazen…” His lips curled into a snide smirk. “Greenhorn.”

“Enough childish taunting,” said Trenta just as each took a breath to volley venomous insults. “I said hush! There. Now keep quiet, both of you. I was hoping that you’d never meet, but I have no choice. This is my close friend and companion, Nikolai LeVanne. And this is my business partner and dear comrade, Captain Scarlius.”

Rumors and off-hand comments flooded back into their minds. “I know you,” growled Scarlius. “From the moment I saw you, I knew who you were but not your name. I should’ve recognized that ungodly condition of yours.”

“As should I with you! I can’t think of another pirate who ever looked so briny.”

“Trenta, how can you even tolerate a man like him?” Scarlius made every attempt to make his disgust known. “He destroys people like us.” From what he knew, Nikolai was both a lawyer and a man who always worked on the side of the law. It seemed unimaginable that he would keep company with a criminal and not take the first opportunity to backstab for a hearty profit.

“‘Us’? I’ve never heard of Trenta murdering someone for the sole pleasure of destruction.” He took a step closer to her. “I believe you have her confused with someone else.” From what he knew, Scarlius terrorized everyone he met and left carnage in the wake. The idea of him being even the least bit kind, let alone friendly and affectionate, toward another creature seemed unthinkable.

“It’s nothing short of a miracle that you haven’t seen to her arrest already.” Feigning a matter-of-fact tone, he added, “Tell me. How long do you plan on waiting before abducting her to be your wife?” He actually didn’t believe any of that; all Scarlius really wanted to do was smear Nikolai’s reputation and push him toward anger.

“I was just about to ask you the same question, although I imagine she’d be more of a slave than a true wife to you.” On the other hand, Nikolai had no doubt in his mind that the sea captain was capable of doing such a thing. Not only that, he’d do it without regret.

Their friend in question swatted at both of them before either could say another word. “I said hush! See why I never wanted you to meet?” Without realizing it, she took on the demeanor of a very agitated mother. “Now, I am well on my way to the near public house to meet my crew. I do not want to see the two of you still here and talking to each other when I come back to the docks. Do you understand?”

Scarlius rolled his eyes, “Trenta, please—”

“Captain, I asked you a question,” she snapped.

Narrowing his eyes, he growled in response, “You must feel very lucky that I am so fond of you.”

“Every day,” she answered, dismissing his apparent ire. “Do you understand?”

Reluctantly, the two men nodded with stiff necks.

“And I won’t see you two here, talking to each other, right? Boys, I asked you a question.”

Both men knew that there was no way to fix how she acted when she grew upset. It was patronizing and demeaning, but they endured it because that was better than making her further enraged. They gave a silent ‘we won’t’ to her question, hoping that it would be enough to calm her.

“Good. I will see each of you again during my stay.” She curtly turned on her heels, walking off. As she went, she gave them one last leer over her shoulder to remind them of how serious she had been when asking her questions.

Once she was gone, Nikolai looked to his green nemesis. “Well,” he said tersely, “I believe that, as I am the elder of us in body, you should be the first to leave.”

Scarlius laughed snidely. “Oh? Well, I believe that, as I am the elder of us in age, you should be the first to leave.”

“My bones aren’t what they once were. I can’t be expected to walk off so soon after all wear on my limbs. I must rest here for a spell.” And to show his resolve, Nikolai sat back down on his crate.

“For that reason, I think it in your best interest to leave now.” Like before, he loomed over the old man. “What could be done if you fell into the harbor?”

“Oh for gods’ sake.” Standing up again, he dug around until he produced a small pouch of coins. “While I have no doubt that this puerile banter amuses you, I have better ways to spend my time.” He fished out a coin. “There. An ordinary shilling. Nothing queer about it.” He flashed Scarlius the obverse side showing off a ruler’s face and the reverse side showing off an emblem. “Whichever way the coin lands, the man who claims that side must leave.”

“Haven’t you something more in that purse than mere shillings?”

Nikolai bit back another scathing insult. “Call out while the coin flies.”

Watching the coin jump from the old man’s thumb into the air, he murmured, “Head.”

The coin continued its long, acrobatic ascent into the air, seeming to hesitate for a split-second before tumbling back down. Unfortunately, Nikolai had tossed the coin too high. Rather than catching it, he missed and allowed the coin to bounce wildly. It banged and jumped along the wood before its suicidal plunge into the harbor’s water. Only its ephemeral flash as it descended into the depths gave any indications of where it had gone.

Nikolai soberly watched the place where the coin had disappeared, cursing himself vehemently for losing a whole shilling. With a deep breath, he held his chin and said, “My resolution still stands. I am more decrepit than you. Thus, I deserve the right to stay here longer than you.”

“And my own resolution also stands.”

He suddenly leaned closer and hissed, “I’ve known Trenta for longer than you have.”

Not to be intimidated, Scarlius did the same. “And I’ve saved her life more than you have.”

“Hah! You feed on the living flesh of innocent men and women!”

He hesitated, pretending to be caught. “Only their faces.”

“The only thing that amazes me is that she doesn’t run in terror at the sight of you. At least I’m only deformed in my appearance.” While he didn't completely believe that about himself, Nikolai would gladly lie to himself for the sake of a higher truth: he was a better person than Scarlius.

“At least I haven’t tried to deflower her.”

He scoffed angrily. “I have never done such a thing and I never will.”

Scarlius’ smile became gruesome and cat-like. “Ah, but have you ever considered it?”   

To that, Nikolai outright laughed. “Not if I were ever offered the greatest sum of treasure imaginable.” The two of them had a mutual understanding that they could never be man and wife. They’d drive each other insane.

“Oh, you prefer a more roguish partner?” The captain’s hand found a resting place on Nikolai’s hip. He grinned lasciviously.

Rather than reeling or wincing, Nikolai wore an un-amused expression. He could already see what Scarlius aimed to do. “I am old.” Gingerly pushing away the hand with his walking stick, he said, “Please. Be a good boy and go play with children your own age.” He took a few steps away from the man, anticipating the possibility that he might try grabbing again.

With a theatrical sigh, he bowed gallantly. “I have no choice but to concede.  I must be the one who takes his leave.”

Nikolai was still cautious of him. “I thank you, sir.”

Stepping toward the street, he called over his shoulder, “Rest your bones. I’ll be joining Trenta in the public house, but do have a good time by your self near the harbor.”

Without any use of his walking stick, Nikolai dashed into the crowded street. For now, the two had lost each other. The only thing that mattered now was finding his friend before his nemesis did. They’d meet again. But hopefully, not soon.