Got up the next morning and I grabbed my gun….

At the front door, brown leaves were falling. A cold, wild wind came through the street, and sweethearts walked by together. Severus wrapped his threadbare coat closer around his wan body, trying to ignore that morning the people who looked far happier than he. The young man could only imagine the damage he had caused. Ratting out Lily’s lover had been a terrible idea; she would never forgive him. She hardly forgave him for that time he called her a “mudblood” in school, but this would be worse. All he had wanted was to get rid of James Potter for making her into a whore. To see the Dark Lord use her as his sexual treasure weakened his spirits, but to see James Potter take advantage of her circumstances was a thorn in his heart. He could take comfort that, whatever happened, no harm would come to Lily. The Dark Lord thought her too pretty to kill. But more importantly, Severus knew that he kept Lily under his power for control. If he could control the potions prodigy, he could be assured of his alliance. In this way, he had let the Dark Lord castrate him.

Reaching out a frost-nipped hand, he knocked on the door and expected Lily to answer. When no one came, he let himself inside as he often did. He breathed on his hands, surprised to feel no warmth of a fire on the hearth. The house seemed dead, sending a small chill up his spine. The Dark Lord would have gone to James Potter’s house, right? After all, it was him who had done the wrong, not Lily. He had been seducing Lily and giving her to his friends. That last part seemed unlikely, but he knew about the affair. The stag that loitered around the house looked all too familiar. After being terrorized for seven years by the man, he’d recognize that coat and those prongs without a shred of doubt. “Lord Voldemort?” he called, uncomfortable with the sound of his own voice as it broke the intense silence.

The door to the bedroom beckoned to him, as it had every single time before. Just once, he wanted a peek at Lily’s sleeping form. He appreciated and savored her appearance in way that no one else could. No one celebrated her feminine pose and charm the way he did. The Dark Lord might afford him a glimpse, possibly. There was no harm in looking. He would never lay an unwanted hand on her, not like other men.

Severus jumped back after pushing open the door, falling into the wall. The film of grease that seemed to cover his body felt worst combined with profuse sweat. Every corpse he had ever seen looked frozen in time; he began to realize how kind the Killing Curse was to its victims. There was no harm done, and instead the body just wholly stopped functioning. He suddenly realized that, for all the years of torment, he never actually wished for James Potter to die. All he wanted was for the man to just leave him alone.

As sick as he felt, he knew that he had to explore the rest of the house. Seeing James dead sharpened his fear for the only woman he ever loved. Part of him expected their ghosts to appear and curse him for his misdeeds against them.

Two bodies and a bundle lay in the parlor. The blood on the white rug made his head swim with horror. His knees gave out and he felt, vainly grabbing some furniture for support. Tears already began to sting his eyes as he crawled toward his beautiful and chalk-white Lily. He had the chance to save her, and he failed. Clutching her corpse which had stiffened from the cold and from cadaveric spasms, he wept bitterly for Lily Evans and his own breaking heart.

Took a shot of cocaine and away I run….

Under the direction of the Dark Lord, Severus reluctantly stuffed James’ body in a closet for it to rot. But he was vexed by his master’s unusual behavior regarding the corpse of Lily Evans. “Go cut some wood,” he ordered while he was wrapping the dead body in a white sheet. “We’ll burn her on a pyre.”

The stench of burning flesh turned Severus’ stomach inside out. If not for the little baby on his arms, he would have started vomiting. Instead, he clutched his hooked nose tightly while still trying to hush the baby so it wouldn’t cry so much.

“Severus, my faithful servant,” said the Dark Lord in a low voice, the heat of the flames putting some color in his cheeks. “Even for your youth, you have shown me a loyalty that my followers should envy. You have told me of her adulterous ways, and you reported the prophecy of my downfall.” When he looked to Severus, his expression was deadpan. “Before I can teach you more, you must do one more task.” His eyes fell on the baby which continued to fuss.

On the tip of his tongues were intense words of protest, the strong temptation to defy the Dark Lord no matter what the cost. Taking a deep breath, he managed to form the words that he knew would be in his best interest. “How shall I do it, Lord Voldemort?”

“I care not,” he answered tersely, unable to keep his gaze on the baby for longer than a few seconds. “That bastard has no place in this world.”

Severus stared at the child before turning his attention back to his master. “But I thought—”

“Can’t you see its eyes?” snapped the Dark Lord with a hissing voice, pointing his wand menacingly. “Those are not mine. This bastard is not mine. Who do you think has those eyes? Now leave here. I wish to be alone.”

Still wracked with guilt and confusion, Severus stumbled through the house back out to the front stoop. He looked at the innocent child in his arms. How much blood could one man bear to have on his hands? In seeing that the baby was the only survivor, he realized that Lily had sacrificed herself and everything else for this child, not for James. When he held up the baby, he saw the name Harry embroidered on the bib. “That’s what you are,” he said quietly to the child who had stopped crying but couldn’t understand a word of his speech. After seeing what the Dark Lord had done, the fire of revenge flared up in him. It wouldn’t be enough to give the baby its mother’s name. “You are Harry Potter. That’s what you are. That’s what you’ll always be.”