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Feature Poem--glassorchid by ~BlackDove42:iconBlackDove42:

Categories Literature > Poetry > Philosophical > Open


Never did a more imperious courtesan live
I swear, you make the whores of Rome seem kind.
Did I not dress in enough green?
You cast your dark cloud over my conscience,
And even now I hear you quietly nagging
Like a gadfly buzzing around an ox.
I give you every waking moment I possibly can,
I give you only my fullest attention.
When I give, it is the best (I think) I can offer you.
And yet you shun me with your grey eyes.
I sacrifice more tears that I can count.
For years, I was your humble and loyal suppliant.
Wretched goddess, are you as passionate as I?
I favored your cold indifference,
But now has your marble face turned hot with anger?
I sacrifice my dignity and my health at your altar
Yet your hungry mouth cannot be sated.
Seductive beast, tell me what you crave.
Must I give up one pound of my Semitic flesh?
©2008-2010 ~BlackDove42
:iconblackdove42:

Author's Comments

Yeah, it's been a while. Hopefully, this poem should explain why it's been so long. Also, anyone watching my scraps will notice the other thing that I've been posting lately. I hope that ~GlassOrchid doesn't mind the vitriol of this poem.

It's about science personified because I get so angry and upset sometimes with my studies. Points to anyone who giggles at the reference I made at the end of the poem.

Comments


love 1 1 joy 0 0 wow 0 0 mad 0 0 sad 0 0 fear 0 0 neutral 0 0
:iconhotaru-sama666:
=hotaru-sama666 Oct 21, 2008, 5:43:15 PM
*hugs and hands you a cookie* I can understand, and it's good that you found a creative way to cope with your frustrations. :)

--
"Du kannst, Du willst und wirst nie vergeben
und Du verteufelst sein ganzes Leben
treibst in den Wahnsinn von
maßlosem Zorn, Vernichtung und Rache,
Du bist zum Hassen gebor'n!"
:iconblackdove42:
~BlackDove42 Oct 21, 2008, 6:07:32 PM
Yeah, although I wish that I could do some painting at the moment. That made me really happy, but I'm afraid to do that at school because I know that it'll just distract me. Maybe there's a way to navigate this. One can only hope x.x

--
If holidays were twelve months long
And life were games and fun
And all the skies
Were filled with PSI's
...Would thinking still get done?


=FeatureShare
:iconhotaru-sama666:
=hotaru-sama666 Oct 21, 2008, 6:12:21 PM
I hope so too. :hug: But at least the poem helped you. :)

--
"Du kannst, Du willst und wirst nie vergeben
und Du verteufelst sein ganzes Leben
treibst in den Wahnsinn von
maßlosem Zorn, Vernichtung und Rache,
Du bist zum Hassen gebor'n!"
:iconspriglief:
~Spriglief Oct 29, 2008, 9:47:45 AM
It is not there. Like this line:
"And even now I hear you quietly nagging
Like a gadfly buzzing around an ox."

Do you need the adjective “quietly” when the next line gives “nagging” its contexts?

I like what this poem is doing, but it falls just short of the mark because you don’t use the (editing) pruning knife enough.

Oh, and “like” and “even” are weak words. I try to never use it. Example:

“And now I hear you nagging
A gadfly buzzing around the ox.”
:iconblackdove42:
~BlackDove42 Oct 29, 2008, 11:19:11 AM
Thanks for the critiques. When I formulated the poem, I wrote it as if I were speaking to my listener. I've always notice a difference between "written voice" and "spoken voice." Because I used a "speaking voice" I can see where it needs the clean-up. And admittedly, I wrote this in a state of intense frustration without regard for revision.

I still need to read your stuff! This weekend, I'll finally be able to sit down and give some of your poems the attention they deserve. (How often have you heard that one?) I've finally got a little wiggle room.

--
If holidays were twelve months long
And life were games and fun
And all the skies
Were filled with PSI's
...Would thinking still get done?


=FeatureShare
:iconravent61:
~ravent61 Nov 2, 2008, 12:32:16 AM
Good read. I think frustration and anger are conveyed very well, right from the first line, and the poem flows smoothly:) Reading this kinda brings back memory of having to read Catullus for my elective course in college :lol:

--
"A sense of humor is a sense of proportion" - Kahlil Gibran
:iconspriglief:
~Spriglief Nov 2, 2008, 4:33:26 AM
What did you think of "The Watcher Used his Claw." It is my first attempt at a children's poem.
:iconblackdove42:
~BlackDove42 Nov 2, 2008, 6:45:45 AM
Hehe, I'm certain that I was channeling Catullus when I wrote this. I'm still waiting for someone to comment on the pound of flesh thing!

--
If holidays were twelve months long
And life were games and fun
And all the skies
Were filled with PSI's
...Would thinking still get done?


=FeatureShare
:iconravent61:
~ravent61 Nov 4, 2008, 5:05:53 AM
My uneducated guess would be the Merchant of Venice since it's the only story I can think of that involves cutting out a pound of flesh:P In all honesty I haven't read the play itself though, only the general plotline.

--
"A sense of humor is a sense of proportion" - Kahlil Gibran
:iconblackdove42:
~BlackDove42 Nov 7, 2008, 12:38:37 PM
(I take way too long to reply to comments lately)

Yes, it is definitely the Merchant of Venice. Yay Shylock <3

--
If holidays were twelve months long
And life were games and fun
And all the skies
Were filled with PSI's
...Would thinking still get done?


=FeatureShare
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